I
I am Elaine Dawn
Myers, the happiest woman all over the Earth. I am 47 years old and have worked
as an agronomist for twenty years. At the beginning, my family was reluctant to
accept my choice but, after some time, they ended up accepting the fact that I
would not spend my time with them because my job would keep me in the forest
most of the time. The weather was dangerous there. On summers, the heat did not
let me do my job properly because it ruined the plants and we could not get the
samples we needed to analyse and make reports about. On winters, it was so cold
that I could even see my breath and the plantations used to freeze and we were
obliged to start planting again. The most comfortable seasons were autumn and
spring. Those periods used to be the best to do reports and investigation
because the plantation was in good conditions.
But this did not
seem to work out. I could not be happy because I thought there was something
missing, there was something else I needed. My heart was not peaceful, I
remember I used to feel lonely in the middle of a huge crowd and ask myself
what life was for. One night, I was even unable to sleep, I spent all those
horrible hours thinking my life had to come to an end, had to finish once and
for all because it had no sense. It was a summer night and I had been sleeping
without any blanket because it was so hot that even sheets were annoying.
The night was
dark when I awoke to a man’s screams. “Oh
god” I thought, “what can I do to help
him?” After that, I ran downstairs to look for a lamp, a torch, or something to
use a guiding light. I walked cautiously not to make much noise. The forest was
dense and, although I had taken a torch with me, I could hardly see because of
the fog. Suddenly, I felt something seizing my ankle. It was a hand, a white
thick male hand. I knelt to see what had happened and my eyes met two green
eyes, two sad green eyes which started to shed tears at the sight of me. My
heart shrugged from pain when I saw him crying, “help”, he mouthed as he
couldn’t speak “don’t worry, I’ll take you away from here” I told him wiping
his tears and running my hand through his cheek. After that, I started looking
for a rope to pull him up. I ended up facing another problem, I had left it in
the backyard so, I had to leave him alone and, as I didn’t want to do that, and
I started singing a song to make him sleep. I succeeded; he fell asleep in the
middle of the second song. I ran back home to look for the rope. I picked it up
and then ran back to his side and found him deeply asleep. I tied the rope up
to my waist and them up to his and began to pull him up, but it hard because he
was asleep and couldn’t help me.
After an hour, I could get him out of the hole and leave
him under a tree while I looked for my car to carry him home. When I started
the car, he woke up and his look seemed to be saying, “where am I?” I looked at
him and told him he was in my car because he had had an accident, I told him
not to worry that I would take care of him and not to leave him. He smiled at
me, took my hand and fell asleep again. I smiled back at him and sighed deeply
while thinking, “You’re just a boy, just an innocent boy”
I was absorbed in my thoughts, i was thinking about all
what had happened, I had been alone for many years and used to say that men
were simply obstacles, frontiers and limits which women had to fall over before
getting the aims they had in life. But I had never thought I would be able to
give love to one of them, to take care of him and to feel pain at the thought
of leaving him alone.
It was simply strange, I felt something I cannot
describe even now, a strange kind of joy, a strange desire of making him happy,
to make him stop being in pain. The only thought of not being able to do it,
was more than I could stand, really unbearable.
Finally, we got home. I helped him go
upstairs and go to bed. He looked weak, what seems so simple for us, to go
upstairs, was for him a tremendous effort. The accident had left him severely
injured. As he fell down into the hole, there was a landslide and, because of
it, a rock had hit his head, he had his two legs broken and his arms were
filled with bruises and lumps and a rock had hit his chest so he could hardly
speak or breathe. I knew it would be hard for me to make him recover but I
convinced myself strongly that he would recover if I gave him my heart.
I tried to give him some food but he refused to eat. He just wanted to
lay on the bed and sleep as much time as possible. He was so weak that he laid
his head on the pillow and fell asleep. I tried to sleep too but I couldn’t.
What had happened left me exhausted but unable to sleep. All my body was
hurting but I couldn’t sleep so, I went out to walk, walk, and walk. I could
feel the breeze caressing my face, I walked miles and miles without even
knowing where I was.
I was trying to forget him, he was just another man in
my life. I wanted to be the same stone-hearted woman, the same beast, the same
feared monster I used to be. But I couldn’t, something had changed, my heart
didn’t let me forget him, I could see his eyes wherever I went, they never left
me, they seemed to be calling me, they seemed to be missing me.
The forest was dense and I had to walk cautiously not to
fall down or fall inside a hole. The hills looked higher than they were and the
trees taller. The grass was green and wet, because it was rained and the rain
had given a new aspect to the forest. I walked so much that I looked forward to
being in bed, looked forward to being by his side but I was so tired that fell
asleep under the first tree I found in my way. I slept deeply, without
dreaming, and, when I awoke, twelve hours later, all the weariness had
disappeared and, the first thing I thought about was him. I stood up, picked up
my coat and ran back home hearing his voice in my ear.
When I got home, he was still asleep and I felt relieved
to see he had been asleep all night and that he hadn’t even changed his
position. I rummaged through my wardrobe to look for a dress, underwear, a pair
of panties and a pair of sandals. I took off my clothes, put on my bathrobe and
had a bath to clean my body after twelve hours of sleeping on the grass. I
entered the bathroom, took off my bathrobe and entered the bath. It was
delightful for me to feel the water rolling down my body, to feel my energy
being renewed. While taking my bath, I was absorbed in my thoughts, I could see
the most important moments of my life in a sequence that lasted a few seconds
and that stopped when I saw his eyes. That’s where I found out he had entered
my heart and wouldn’t go out of it anymore.
I entered the room and he was awakened. He didn’t speak,
just followed me with his look. I put on my clothes, brushed my hair, and
hanged the towel in the balcony for it to dry. He had been looking at me for
all that time and made me startle when he said, “you look beautiful” his voice
was deep and everything seemed to quiver when hearing it. I smiled notice he
was feeling better and would be all right soon. I asked him how he had fallen
into that hole, he explained “I was broken-hearted last night. It was the first
night I went hunting since my wife died two years ago and, as she died that
day, I was so sad that I wasn’t even looking at my way, that’s why I fell into
the hole”
I looked at him and his eyes were filled with tears. I
wiped them and told him “but you’re alive and you’ve got to fight hard for the
things you love, you can’t give up precisely now that you’ve got a second
chance in life”
He remained silent, he seemed to be having a terrible battle
within, and he seemed not to be there but many miles away. The room was so
quiet that I startled when he spoke again
“Thanks for cheering me up, I hadn’t felt such happiness
since she died” This time, it was me the one who remained silent and thoughtful
because I couldn’t understand that, in spite of being almost defeated, of
feeling weak, he could be so marvellous. He stared at me as speechless as
before.
“There’s something I must tell you, if I don’t, I won’t
be able to live in harmony with myself. It may sound absurd but I’m a writer
and I feel that I won’t be able to carry on writing, I feel too weak to do it,
I want you to finish with it for me”
I laid one of his hands between mine, kissed it and said
“it isn’t absurd; it’s what makes you happy. It’s the light of your life and
yes, I’ll finish it for you”
He smiled, held my hand and whispered “you’re the light,
light of my life, you’re the beauty, beauty of hearts” and, after that, he fell
asleep again. I remained beside him, there was something telling me not to
leave him, I wanted to live by his side forever, I felt protected there. By his
side, time was nothing, it seemed to stop.
I started reading some of his work to submerge myself in
the atmosphere of the story. I was taken aback by the way his mind worked; it
was fantastic to see somebody as talented as him.
The tall blond-haired Irish forensic specialist he
described seemed to be standing right in front of me. He was so real that I
started to feel nervous, I felt observed but that made me do it even better so,
i let him stare at me as much as he wanted. At first, I thought I wouldn’t be
able to do what he had asked me to but, as I kept on doing it, I knew it
wouldn’t be so hard as I had imagined. Each idea I created brought a new one, my
mind seemed to be unwilling to stop, it was very exciting to have the power to
create new worlds but, a question wandered about my mind “what can I do to
finish with this?”
After many time of confusion, I decided not to worry
because the blond-haired ghost standing in front of me would give me the way
out.
II
A month had passed by and he was still beside me. I was sad to notice he had not recovered and, on the contrary, he was each day worse. But i was not going to give up, i decided to let myself in for his recovery, i was not going to leave him alone, not this time, not when he had gone through all that pain and needed love like never before.
The first
thing I did was to take him for short walks. However, it used to take us much
time because he could not walk so fast. But, although he was tired, he was
beaming, he was so happy that he told me: “ thanks for everything you’ve done
for me, if you hadn’t done it, my life wouldn’t be so beautiful if not for you”
“it’s OK,
it’s been a pleasure for me to have been a light in your life” I said and our
eyes met for the first time making me blush so intensely that I was not able to
look at him. We had walked for about two hours so, we decided to have a rest. I
helped him sit down under a tree and stayed petrified for a moment. When I
awoke, I saw he had taken my hand and was playing with it as if it were the
biggest treasure. I stood still for a moment but, after that, I laid my head on
his shoulder and smiled at him. No words came out of our lips but we both knew something
had changed in our hearts; we could not be without each other. Then, he
released my hand and held me tight. That made me feel the most powerful queen
by his side, nothing would be able to hurt me, he would protect me from
everybody and everything, I felt he was my hero. I told him I had been working
on his story and he kissed my hand, because it was difficult for him to speak.
His only means of communication were his eyes.
I felt
something going through my body, something, which made me quiver from the
deepest of my soul. When I looked at him in the eye, I felt like holding him
tight, like kissing him...and I did. I kissed his left hand, his cheek and then
made my way to his lips. He stood petrified without knowing what to do looking
me with amazement in his eyes. His eyes showed confusion and surprise. He could
not believe that a woman who was considered the most fearful monster all over
the earth could love somebody so deeply since the very beginning.
My heart
burst from pain when I looked at him again, soft tears were rolling down his
face. I felt so worried that I took his hands and asked him what was wrong and
he answered: “there’s nothing wrong, they’re just tears of joy, joy of having
you by my side, of you being able to take my pain away. When my wife died, I
thought I’d never be able to love again. I thought I would die alone...but here
I am, with the most beautiful woman. Being loved, taken care of, and spoiled by
an angel like you” I held him tight and my shoulder got wet with his tears. As
somebody said, her shoulder was painted with his tears.
“Don’t
leave me, please don’t, be here forever, please stay”, he begged me and laid
his head on my shoulder holding me tighter than before.
“I won’t
leave you, Graham, my dear boy” I promised him telling his name for the first
time. We remained one next to the other for very much time, everything seemed
to disappear, nothing existed, just we two. The wind made our hair move and
started to quiver from cold so, I pulled him closer to feel warmer. He made me
lay my head on his chest and I heard his heart beating faster.
“I can’t
still believe this” he whispered
“What?” I
wanted to know
“All that
has happened between us, I never thought I would be so happy”, he said looking
at me whilst his eyes were shining brightly.
“Believe
it, it’s true, you’re beside me and I will never leave you”, I finally said.
After that, we did not talk much; we just enjoyed ourselves and the fascination
of being together.
When the
sky turned orange, yellow and red, announcing the coming of sunset, I stood up,
helped him, and we returned home.
As we
entered the house, I started to reminisce and recall everything; it was hard
for me to that neither my job nor my other occupations had been able to make me
happy, that he only could. I helped him go to bed and lay beside him. He took
my hand, kissed it and asked me: “will you save me tonight?”
I could not
speak but just smiled at him, held him tight and started singing an old song
about a lonely man whom had seen the light of happiness after many hard
days.
“That’s my
song”, he said, and I blushed so intensely that buried my head on his shoulder.
He laughed for the first time in one month and I could see I had succeeded in
some way. He had learned to love again and found out life was beautiful. But
there was something left. I felt I had to look for a way to make him feel the
way he felt before. But, how could a simple human being like me do that? There
had to be a solution, the situation could not be that bad, I had to succeed
because my heart had changed and nothing would have been the same without hum.
I had to keep him alive, to give him strength. But, I felt confused, I did not
know what to do. I felt wrathful to accept the fact that I would not be able to
get him out of that pain. But his presence threw those feeling away, his look
gave me reassurance, he comforted me and made me forget about it all.
“What’s
your opinion about our meeting at that precise moment and situation? I think it
wasn’t just a coincidence. It was an angel who made us meet to help, love, and
make each other happy. Whoever it was, God bless him because, thanks to him, we
are the happiest couple all over the earth” I looked at him; I had never
thought that something so beautiful would happen to me. In my youth, I had
decided to be alone forever, turning all men away telling them they did not
deserve my love. But, this time, I was not able to be happy if I was not by his
side. This time, it was different because I was looking forward to seeing him
happy: I cooked for him, wrote for him, read for him, sang for him to sleep,
and did many things to make him feel good by my side.
After a
long while, I answered: “yes, you’re right. This is gift from somebody who
loves us and wants us to be happy and live together forever”
After this,
he kissed me for the first time; he kissed my forehead, my cheeks, and made his
way to my lips. Those few seconds of direct contact made me feel that I was
getting my purpose: to increase his will power to get out of the emotional hole
and we both felt strong inside each other. I felt there was nothing which could
destroy or defeat us, not even death itself, not even his respiratory problems,
or my bluntness concerning the expression of my feelings.
That night
was a new opportunity to be happy because we discovered we would not be
delighted of being alive unless we shared everything in life. At the break of
the day, I awoke and smiled to think about the future of contentment before us.
When I entered his room, he had woke up already and looked exhausted and
delighted at the same time. He said he had discovered his life had a reason, he
thought he had to continue living no matter what his conditions were. He was so
anxious to get better that he gave me a fright when he stood up without my help
and tried to walk from his bed to the door. Nevertheless, he fell down before
he could get there. I ran to help him stand up. He did not look at me and,
after a while I could see why: he was crying. I made him look at me and
caressed his face to wipe his tears and give him reassurance.
“I’m
nothing, I’m a coward, a defeated fighter, a failure”, he said crying even more
bitterly while his entire body was shaking. I felt very bad to see him like
that so I held him to give him courage to face the situation and assure him I
loved him no matter what happened.
“You’re not
a failure; it was just your first attempt. Please, Graham, forget about the
pain of today and think about the hope of tomorrow. Think of me; think of the
moments we’ll spend together from now on. I’ll never leave you, even if I’ve
got to feed you, dress you up, for the rest of my life, even if you can’t speak
or look at me. I’ll be with you even if I’ve got to die you”, I told him
strongly convinced that he would recover if I fought hard for it. He held me
and his tears fell down his face getting my shoulder wet. I convinced myself it
was my duty to get him out of the hole which, this time was a figurative but
harder one, his depression. However, I had to mend his heart first, make him
feel like a hero, make him feel he was everything to me, give him reassurance.
Anyway, I had to admit it would be a difficult issue to carry out because the accident
had left him in a condition which made it almost impossible for him to do
things physically speaking. The solution seemed to be his talent for writing
because scientists say that, when a person loses physical faculties, he or she
has to develop his or her intellectual ones if he or does not want to lose his
or her mind.
I knew I
had to find, or invent, a way to inspire him and make him forget about what he
did in the past so that he could enjoy the blessings of the present and the
hopes of the future.
Nevertheless,
he surprised me once more; he stood up, and tried to walk, at first, clumsily,
but then his steps became more confident. I felt frightened and a terrible
question came to my mind: “what if he falls down again?” I was afraid because,
if he did, he would feel a failure and a loser again and I did not want that to
happen so, I looked at him to tell him I was proud of him and everything would
be fine. He was able to do it but got so tired that dropped himself in the
first couch he found in his way. I ran to his side, held him tight and, for the
first time, I burst into tears. However, those were not tears of sadness or
pain but of joy to have him by my side and see he was slowly coming back to
life.
“You did
it, my love, you did it wonderfully well” I whispered trying not to let my
voice sound hoarse
“I did it
for you, my fairy, just for you”, he responded wiping my tears and making me
look at him. I felt surrounded by the depth of his green eyes, and the beauty
of his smile. I did not know I would never be able to forget that feeling, I
thought it was only a physical consequence of what I was feeling at that moment
and I did not think it would remain till my grave. He kissed my eyes, smiled
and said: “I’m glad to see you’re a sensitive woman” I laughed behind my tears
because it was so lovely to see he did not think I was ridiculous and had loved
that in me. I was surprised to discover men were not stones, monsters, or
robots and, even more astonishing, one of them had given his heart to me. But
that feeling was bittersweet for me because, on one hand, he was trying hard to
recover thinking of the future we’ll spend together but, on the other hand, he
looked each day weaker and, many nights I went to bed thinking he would die in
his sleep. Nevertheless, I did not want him to know about it so, I just showed
him the good part of me, the cute one, the happy and optimistic one, and the
adventurous and creative one. I refused stubbornly to show him the weak,
fragile and insecure part of me because I thought he was too weak to protect me
and it was MY duty to protect him.
To see him
trying to recover was also bittersweet for me because I felt happy to see he
loved life and wanted to recover but, at the same time it was painful not to
see any signal of recovery. I encouraged him to continue fighting hard anyway.
After all, if he had gone way, I would not have been able to continue living,
he meant everything to me. The sun shone because of him, sunsets were beautiful
because I could see them with him by my side, to wake up each morning was the
most wonderful experience because I knew (and I still do) that he loved me and
all my life was worthwhile because of him. Night came and we shut our eyes
exhausted because of the emotions of the day. I had helped him go to bed, which
was a huge battle because he fell asleep just after his cheek touched the
pillow. At that moment, I found out everything was in my hands, I thought he
would get better just with my love. Nevertheless, it was the most horrible
night I’ve spent in my whole life. I had a dream where I was feeding him and he
refused to eat saying: “I smell smoke in the air. You must have left the stove
on” I left him alone for a while and went to see what the problem was and I
discovered something had started a fire in the kitchen and was threatening to
destroy the hall and then the whole house. The only important thing for me was
him so, I walked through the flames making my way to our bedroom and get him
out of it. But I could not do it because, when I got into the hall, everything
went black before my eyes and I passed out. I regained consciousness thirty
minutes later and I was lying on the ground. He was brushing his hand for my
face and I felt my heart overwhelmed by pain… his beautiful and lovely green
eyes were filled with tears and I heard him say: “goodbye, my love, good bye my
life. Thanks for saving me but nothing will make any sense without you, bye, my
love…” he could not continue, he was possessed by pain and crying as bitterly
as if he thought life was the most painful thing that existed.
“Graham” I
called him finding it hard to speak. He looked at me as if he thought life was
cruelly playing tricks on him, held me tight and, with eyes filled with tears,
he said:” my flower, my dear little flower, I thought I’d lost you, thanks God
you’re fine” I tried to sit up but could not. I noticed he was as weak as I was
or even more. He was fighting hard to keep his eyes open and hide his weakness
before me. But I was not blind and knew he had been badly injured and I had to
do something if I wanted to save him. He stood up, took me in his arms, and
took me out of the house to leave me on safety. He walked slowly not to cause
me any pain and got me to the same tree where we had found out we were in love,
left me there, and sat down next to me. Then, he took one of my hands, kissed
it and, shedding tears of sadness, he said: “my darling, I brought you here
because I feel my life has come to an end, I just came to your life to save you
from that fire, to make your life worthwhile, and to make you see men are human
beings who can love, cry and feel pain. But, more important than that, we need
to be loved, taken care of and spoiled by you, women. My dear, I’ve got to go,
it’s painful for me to leave you but…” he could not continue speaking because
life was and there was nothing I could do. I started to cry histerically holding
his corpse and everything started to turn black before my eyes.
I awoke and
discovered everything had been just a bad dream. He was awake too and was
holding me tight and I did the same thing being strongly convinced that I would
lose him
“What’s
wrong, my little sunbeam?, I’m here to protect you and will always be” I told
him about the dream and he told me: “but that’s not true, I’ll be by your side
till my grave” and he did. He stayed
there, by my side and our lives became one. That dream made me stronger because
it made me feel that I could face any person or situation and defeat it. Shiver
went through me when I met his childish green eyes, those eyes which stood for
the voice my man found hard to use. After that horrible dream, I did not want
to stay away from him so; I decided to devote my life to support him in
everything he did. But, he was a writer who was eager to create and I could see
his mind was unwilling to stop so, he said:
“Marie’s
heart was broken because it was painful for her to see that Robert had been
hurt so cruelly. She was running with her heart bleeding painfully at the
thought of her Robert alone and dejected…” At that point of the story, he stood
up and, with some difficulty, walked towards me while saying: “you’re Marie,
broken because her love was hurt. But you don’t look broken, honey, you’re the
strongest woman I’ve met in my life” I felt delighted to see he was getting
better and, especially because he wanted to write again and get better soon.
From then on, everything changed because this showed me he wanted to recover
and be the same man who wrote those incredible stories giving his heart to his
readers. Marie and her world could what was impossible for me: to give him
hope. My mission was simply to help him through the hole, the emotional one. As
time went by, his health started to improve and he started to come back to
life.
He said he
needed to go back to his house to reorganise his life. I did not know what to
do or say. On one hand, I felt heart-lighted because he had learned to love
life again but, on the other hand, the only thought of him leaving me was hard
to swallow. I just cried because I could not understand why he wanted to leave
me if I had given him all the love I had in my heart. I lost my head for the
first time in my life. I yelled at him:
“what do you think you’re doing? Who do you think you’re hurting?
Graham, please, understand I can’t live without you and my whole life has a
real sense since you came into it, you can’t leave me now…” He heard that and bitter
tears were rolling down his face. I did not find out I had been the
inconsiderate one who had hurt him so badly and it had not been his intention
to hurt me and he had not even thought about leaving me. Something broke inside
me but no words came out of my lips. He spoke for me, holding me tight like a
mother bear trying to protect its raising.
“Why are
you doing this to me? Ellie, please, calm down. I WON’T leave you, I CAN’T
you’re a part of me now. I’ll go with you, you can work as an agronomist and do
what you love, and you can take samples from the animals and be my source of
inspiration and love forever. And we could use this house as a dovecot”
I could not
speak, I had not thought of him, just of me. I just held him tight and tried to
soothe his heart after what I had done.
“My love,
please forgive me, I did not mean to break your childish heart but life will be
the sombrest darkness if you leave me…” I could not finish the sentence because
he kissed me long and hard, as if he thought he would lose me, as if that one
were our last night, our last moment. I kissed him back, but my kiss was soft
and slow, just to show him I’d belong to him forever, give him all the love he
needed and we’ll raise all the children our time gave us opportunity to.
I made him
lay his head on my lap and held it as if it was the biggest treasure, the most
beautiful diamond.
I felt bad.
I felt I was the meanest beast all over the universe; he loved me just the way
I was and wanted to give me everything I needed to be even happier than I was
already. What else could I ask for? Nothing. Really nothing. I felt like taking my heart out of my chest
and burning it. I had been so inconsiderate to him so, I could not look at him
in the eye, speak or even be happy. He had given a sense to my life for the
first time but I was hurting him…
“Ellie”, he
said breaking the silence “it’s me the one who must apologise to you for this;
I didn’t think you loved me that way. Does this all mean you want to live all
your life beside me?”
“Yes, my
love, that’s what it means. You’re who I had been waiting for during all this
time” I answered looking at him directly in the eye. I looked at those eyes, those
beautiful eyes which showed good feelings only, those beloved eyes which would
have broken my heart if they had shut in death, and felt life was the most
beautiful experience because I had found him.
The fact
that he had expressed his will to work made me discover I had a new mission, to
keep him busy doing what he loved. After I discovered that, I started looking
for a way to get it. That’s why I asked him to tell me all about his farm, how
to milk the cows, feed the animals, raise the plants and all I had to do. Of
course, I was not doing that because I thought he was unable to do them but
just because I wanted to help him, and be there for him when he felt he was not
strong enough to do them. We spent all day talking about that and he even
decided to teach me how to drive a tractor which, at the beginning, was
difficult because I had a phobia for heights and felt like vomiting but his
confident look made me forget about my fear and continue. My first trip was
unforgettable. I had asked him to put something behind the tractor just to see
how much weigh I could carry and he felt delighted to see I could drive
carrying two hundred kilograms.
“You would
have been the best farmer in all our country”, he said; “if you hadn’t devoted
your life to agronomy” I just smiled. It was fantastic to have saved this man
and learned to love him.
“But
agronomists also work in farms don’t they?” I asked him not being able to
imagine my life without him. That made me wish I could stay beside him forever.
I knew my life would be filled with hope and love. I decided to be as near him
as possible so, I did my best to help him and learn about his job so that I
could be his assistant for the rest of my life.
Nobody will
ever imagine how good it felt to be useful to him, to help him in everything he
needed, especially, to love him the way he was. Besides, I thought that the sight
of the places where he lived with his first wife would be a setback in his
recovery. But I would not leave him alone to face it. I would wipe his tears,
receive his beats, endure his screams, and take him out of the hole again, if
necessary.
Oh, reader!,
as you can see, I found it impossible to forget those penetrating green eyes and,
going against all my personal convictions, I fell in love with him and
convinced my heart that I was his life, light, hope and future, and I could not
imagine my life without him anymore. I imagined us working together in his farm
and enjoying ourselves. I even thought of making just one farm of the two, but
I only wanted to surrender to his wishes, I waited for him to tell me what to
do. After all, as he was not enough to do that kind of things by himself, all
the responsibility would lie on me.
The
greatest thing of all that was my strong passion for masculine activities like
building houses and loading lorries which would help me in that process and I
would enjoy helping him, I would feel as if I was playing with my dolls and he
would look at me with the infinite tenderness a father looks at his little
daughter playing at his feet. And I was eager to give him all the happiness in
the world, no matter what I had to do in order to get it. My ideal future was
to remain looking at those creator’s eyes forever.
III
Two years
have gone by and we are still together. We were really two halves of a whole
thing and we could not live without each other anymore so, we decided to get married.
Of course, it was not that we thought marriage depended on signing a couple of
papers but we felt it was the last step we had to give to be together forever.
We had gone
through all kinds of difficulties; even death dared threaten our happiness, but
we pretended not to be aware of it and continued being as happy as we could and
getting ready to live the greatest moment of our lives. However, I knew that
moment would not be perfect; Graham’s health was a constant threat and I was
afraid of his sudden departure, just before presenting our love before God to
bless it. My emotions were mixed because, on theone hand, it was good to see him happy with
it all but; on the other hand, it was painful to see him doing his best to
overcome physical pain and the fear of leaving what he loved behind. He seemed
to think I was blind enough not to notice it so he tried hard to hide his
suffering from me inventing new methods to water the plants or doing new
projections for our work.
His eyes
were essential for me to discover the truth and they told me he felt afraid to spoil it all
leaving me without his love.
Nevertheless,
I knew, or I thought I knew, the good heavenly being would help us overcome
that obstacle. Besides, those creator’s eyes helped me endure the torture of
seeing him in such a state and, as I said two years ago, some nights I went to
sleep expecting to find him dead next morning. In all those years before we
met, I never thought this would happen to me, if I had known it, I would not
have believed it, it was too good to be true.
I remember
that, in my youth, I said that, if any man came to my life, I would send him
away telling him he was not what I needed but a piece of rubbish so, why I
could not send Graham away will always be a mystery because I just know that I
cannot live without him one second of my life, the air would be dense without
his whisper and my mornings would be sombre and dark without the bright of his
green eyes. His thick hands were the greatest support in times of trouble
because I held them to say I was afraid or nervous. I remember the first time I
saw those tearful green eyes as if I had seen them yesterday, I remember how
anxious I felt to help and love that tall red-haired man who came to my life to
change it and fill it with magic.
I
especially remember when he asked me to marry him. I was at the other side of
the farm preparing the tractor to transport some things to his and, when I was
about to start the engine to go away, he showed up. I startled and felt worried
because he looked tired but, when I looked at those happy eyes, I left worries
behind and jumped off the tractor and ran to his side. Before I could say a word, he said: “I ‘m
glad to see you‘re happy here”. I smiled
and said: “Yes, I am, specially know that, doing this, I`m helping you”.
The tall green-eyed man to whom I
had learned to love so deeply looked at me with anxiety and his eyes shining brightly. That made me feel anxious too but reading my
thoughts he said: “Elaine, my love, I‘ve been thinking about what we’ve gone
through together and I come to the conclusion that I don‘t want it to stop but
to last forever…” he stopped looking even more anxious causing me to feel
worried till he added: “I‘d love to be yours and make you be mine, my lovely
angel will you marry me”.
I could not help bursting into tears
“m m my love, it is the most beautiful proposal I’ ve been made in my life” I
answered as my emotions overwhelmed me.
Of course,
I said yes because, as all of you know, I would not be able to live without him
and, from then on, my life would have a new and beautiful sense. We married three weeks after. The day was beautiful, there was no rain and
the sun was brightly shining. We woke up
at seven A.M., had a light
breakfast, get dressed as country people do and went to the registration
office. When we got there, my family and
some of Graham‘s friends were waiting for us and, when they arrived they
started singing a song used to sing when Graham had just had the accident.
I could not help shedding a few
tears, to remember him in those conditions touched my heart in a way I never
imagine it could be possible nevertheless, those years beside him had taught me
that, when there was love, all difficulties could be overcome and especially if
we had a valid and beautiful; according to us own words, reason to do it! But
there was him. A man with safe colour on
his skin, long hands red hair green eyes and a big heart who was able to love
me no matter how tough I was when we entered, he held my hand tight a gesture
which meant a lot to me because I understood the message: he did not want to
leave me anymore, and he does not want to now.
The ceremony started just in time
and we held each other‘s hand as a symbol of everlasting love My family was
surprised to see that because they knew (or they thought they did) that a man
was a setback in my life.
But Graham
was not simply a man but an angel a helper and also a lover, and, especially
every thing I needed. He was the present
God was waiting to give me, the reason for living and chosen person to teach me
the loveliest lesson: live is worth while as long as we are able to give love.
It’s true; I saved his life, but
only physically speaking. But he saved
mine emotionally. I was condemned to be
a slave of burocracy and ambition but, when I was expecting in the least, a
scream woke me up from physical sleep but also from emotional numberless. This led me to do cover that God really
exists and is waiting for the chance to lend us a hand and listen to our
secrets, even though he knows everything, bathe wants us to have a close
relationship with him. As I started to
nurse Graham, I found out He was in the most important moments of our lives, so
good as bad and he was waiting for us to as him for help. This was what my family found harder to
believe because I used to see that I would obtain food and money only from my
own effort but, after I had met him and nursed him for so much time, I started
to see how wrong I was. But, thanks to
God, I did not make the same decisions people make when prosperity comes to their
lives, I just enjoyed what I had been given despite the fear I felt for losing
him. When the ceremony began, I felt so
delighted that I could hardly breathe.
The judge made a short introduction on what the Bible said about
marriage and, as she was talking my mind wandered about the marvellous future
we would live together It was so wonderful to have the chance to hold that
thick but dear friend which I had almost lost.
So I held it as tight as I could and felt delighted to see him smiling
at my gesture and looking at me with those green eyes full of unconditional
love.
He talked about God’s words in
Genesis 1:24: “And he must stick to his wife and they must become one flesh”. He analysed it applying it to nowadays life
style and how we can manage to overcome difficulty.
The answer was something my Graham
and I knew well: faults can be covered with love and failures too. Then the
judge proceeded to make us pronounce our vows of love and then pronounced us
husband and wife.
It is a pity to admit that not everybody
was happy with our union. My father and
oldest brother were sad because they wanted me to choose a “man like me”, which
meant a rich man with no physical problems and a “respectable family”. But they did not take my feelings into
account and did not considerer that Graham had more than that. Even though he was a middle-class farmer he
was rich in terms of feelings and values and in spite of his physical problems
he was able to lead a normal life.
We had a small reception in our
farm, which was the first of the many adventures we’ve had together since we
met when we left the registration office, my brother was waiting home.
While he drove he told me “Little
girl don’t worry about dad. With time,
he will understand that you found the most precious treasure on Earth” And
added: “Graham, my sister even though she doesn’t admit it is very sensitive
so, please, take care of her heart”.
My man answered:
“Sir, she is the best prize, God
could have given to me so, I’ll take care of her the day I saw her first even
though pain was over whelming me”
After that,
I understood that as young as he was my brother was right had found the most
marvellous treasure in creation I held that treasure as tight as I could and my
little boy could see that I really loved Graham and he was more than a lot of
money or a healthy body: he was a mate, a lover, a protector, and the love of
my life.
When we got home, mum and dad were
waiting for me. When she saw me, she ran
to meet me and, when she did she told me: “My girl, you look beautiful today, I
hope the experience you’ll acquire in the next year makes you beautiful at
heart”.
My dad looked upset and did not
speak to me but that not make less happy.
When I had to dance the first waltz, I felt as the most beautiful
princess on Earth. All the difficulties
I had gone through vanished in a moment and all I remembered and remember until
now, are the good moments, the sense of completion he gave to my life and the
wonderful perspective of having him beside me forever.
When I look back and think of what
we went through, I thank god for having given me such a prize. After all even though did not recover health
completely he can lead a normal life”.
It has been five years since then and we love each other the same or
even more than before and I cannot explain how I could live without him for 47
years and pray to God every night for him to give us one more day to love and
help each other.
“My life” said he, is exactly what I
had prayed to God for every night: I’ve got lodging, food a good fire, many
animals and more important I’ve got you my dear”
Mine too, because I’ve got the
loveliest job I could get: I am a creator’s assistant can look at me through
eternity.
